Shy is the way I have always been. Being an introvert has suited me just fine. It is part of who I have always been. Why would I want or need to change any part of who I am. As time passes things happen in your life that just change who you are. That is what has happened to me.
I was that kid in school who didn’t raise her hand to answer questions. The “refrains from unnecessary talking “was never check off on my report card. Even calling someone on the phone was a difficult task for me. My head would begin to ache and I would feel sick to my stomach. Why would I want to even bother trying to change that?
For years my mom tried to push me out of my shyness. She even talked me into taking a public speaking class. I still don’t know why I let me mother talk me into things. Shaking and all red in the face I somehow made it through the entire class and even passed. Of course I felt sick almost every time I walked into class. Over the years after being married, divorced and being a single mom I have had to become a little less shy. It has always been quite the struggle though. That was until two years that thing changed a lot.
My daughter had just started 2nd grade at a new school. The school she was at was underperforming and I had her moved in hopes of her not falling behind. As fate would have it I was able to move her. She had only been at the new school a full week and the teacher was already calling me on the phone. She told me my daughter was too shy and that she needed to learn real quickly to not be shy. The teacher then told me that she forgot her folder two days and that if she wasn’t a “bus” kid then she would have kept her after school. I was floored. I could not believe I was hearing this only a week into her starting this new school. How did she even know my daughter after a week? I did my best as a parent trying to talk with my daughter about her folder and even suggest that we make a note on her backpack so she would not forget the folder. Two week later it only got worse when the teacher called me at work to tell me she needed to meet with me right away. The next morning I met with the teacher, she was an older woman that could pass more for boot camp instructor rather than a teacher of 2nd grade children. She then informed me that my daughter was too shy and that my daughter had labeled her backpack so not to forget her folder. She told me that my daughter needed to “put her big girl pants on” and remember things instead of making little notes of a reminder. Did I hear her right? I was the one who suggested the label on her back pack. That was the moment, like a light switch going on. I was not going to sit back and just listen to this teacher bully my child because she was shy like me. After several meetings with the principal and the teacher I really wasn’t getting anywhere. Then something happened and I just couldn’t let my shyness get in my way any longer. The teacher pushed my daughter Kaitlyn on the back of the head. Kaitlyn told me what happened and I walked into school the next morning and met with the principal. Imagine that shy little me just storming right in that school like I owned it. I told the principal what happened. She pulled my daughter in and asked her about it. I was so proud the way my daughter told the principal exactly what happened. Of course at first she just looked at me with a look that said please don’t make me talk. I knew that look so well, it was me at her age. The principal listed to my daughter and then sent her back to class. The principal then pulled in the teacher while I was there and asked the teacher what happened. The teacher claimed to be “redirecting” my daughter as she didn’t answer the question quick enough so she thought my daughter wasn’t paying attention. Something came over me and shy little me went right out the door. I must have spoken for what seemed like a half hour straight. I explained how I for once was not going to stand by and remain quiet. I finally told the principal to transfer my daughter to another class immediately. The principal agreed and she was moved. The teacher lasted about another month at that school before another parent came forward as well. Apparently there had been problems for a while with this teacher and the quieter kids. I never realized being shy could get in the way of so many things. Being shy was who I was but when it came to my daughter I just couldn’t let my fear stand in the way anymore. I find myself at times reverting back to being shy but I just think of my daughter and the fear goes away. I speak up much more now and even my daughter has become less shy through all this. Maybe I am rubbing off on her. She is still on the quieter side but I don’t push because I know too someday this will change for her like it did me. It’s amazing the way life can changes things and brings about a whole new you in the process.
About Me
- Rachel
- New Bedford, MA
- I am a single mom of a beautiful 9 year old girl. I work full time and I am currently taking 3 classes in hopes of finishing by next spring.
Very nicely written Rachel I enjoyed reading this story. I can definitely relate to your shyness growing up. For the first few years in school I had the same problem. I got through most of it but there are still things I struggle with as far as the shyness goes. I thought the most powerful line of this story was "Being shy was who I was but when it came to my daughter I just couldn’t let my fear stand in the way anymore." I'm not a parent yet but I know that when that day comes I hope to be as courageously protective as you were for your daughter.
ReplyDeleterachel- Oh, your story had me so excited for you! I wanted you to march in there and kick her butt!... so I feel like you have been effective in creating emotion here and care for the characters (you and your daughter)because I really FELT so proud of you!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow do you think it might be if you cut some of your more repetitive sentences down?... like sentence 3 where you say "...(who) I have always been" when you've just said in your opening line "shy is the way i've always been" (I really like that opener btw!)
in the 2nd paragraph u say "why would I want to change that?" but I wondered if thats what you meant. it seemed like maybe why would you want to deal with how DIFFICULT it might be to change it, because you just described getting sick about it.... so i would think you would want to change it, but wouldn't want to go through the difficulty of working through it. (does that make sense?)
also, what do you think of using some more line breaks? like maybe you could split a paragraph where you say "my daughter just started..." and then a couple other places from there down?
??? just trying to be helpful. your story is really inspiring though. It had me rooting for you all the way!
*(ps- thanks for your comments on my blog. The suggestion for bringing it full circle was very helpful. i'm working on it! Thnx!)
Thank you Gabrielle for the comments they are very helpful. I didn't even realize I was so repetative and thanks for the tip on the break I was having trouble figuring where to break it at. Oh and I did feel like kicking her but lol. (glad I could help with my suggestions too. Good luck with the final paper I look forward to the update.)
ReplyDeleteRachel, grammar looks just fine here! I'll have more to say later. (I don't mean to imply grammar is my main focus--it's not--just wanted to comment on it first so people could take advantage of class time on grammar if needed. If you have any questions, feel free to come, but you seem to be in control of things, in many ways.)
ReplyDeleteBtw, I love to see this sort of interaction starting to happen on blogs! A great way for us shy ones to find a voice...
ReplyDeleteRachel--
ReplyDeleteSorry to take so long to get back here. (You've been doing a wonderful job btw at commenting on others' essays!) This is a great example of a personal essay that centers on a transforming event. It's generally well-focused and well-developed, overall smoothly written. For me, the resonant line is: "I was not going to sit back and just listen to this teacher bully my child because she was shy like me." I do have a few things for you to think about...
I think 1st para. could be pruned to go from "Shy is the way I've always been" right to "I was the kid in school..." (it's normal to take a little time to write one's way into an essay, then in revision prune things back to get into the story/essay more quickly).
In terms of overall organization, think about paragraphing. Again, when you're telling a narrative, in one sense it's a strip of action that keeps rolling. but in writing you want to give your reader periodically the little rest that a para. break gives. Paragraphing in a narrative is more subtle than paragraphing some idea-based prose, where it's one main idea per para. In narrative, you're looking for slight shifts, jumps in time or place, or places where you switch from action to reflection about what happened. There's no magic number of sentences per para., and to some extent writers have their own senses of this (when you look at newspaper paras, for example, they're quite short; some writers like me write big, chunky paras.; and it's normal to vary the para. size with short paragraphs giving a punchy kind of impact).
I'd like to see your daughter a little bit more here (not what she looks like, but more about the type of girl she is--to understand her personality a little bit more). You can do this through action (what's she doing at home while you're having a discussion with her?) and/or through describing her possessions. Also some quoted dialogue would help. (I know, it's hard when you can't remember exactly what someone said, but in personal essays you have the "permission" to use your memory and imagination to recreate dialogue. Putting some words in a character's mouth can often almost magically help to "pop" him/her into life on the page.) It would be *great* to include some direct quotes from this teacher as well (to let her convict herself, again in the show-don't tell mode).
finally, you might develop your conclusion just a bit more to show how this has changed (or started to change) you, what you have done or done more easily than before. Also do you think this will "translate"into helping your daughter with her own shyness?
Overall a fine essay, and I hope one that will give you confidence going forward this summer!